Sunday, March 17, 2013

Virus aftermath

It has been a week since we noticed you were warm to the touch and the sneezes became too frequent. I could only mutter an "oh no not again" while we bought your meds and tried to make you eat. When you were 5 months old, it was a struggle to make you take your meds and nebulize you and now, at almost 9 months, it's doubly hard because you have grown incredibly strong and heavy. Everytime you tried to wriggle out of our arms, tried to stand and yank away the tube and mask, I get hurt, literally and figuratively. There's some kind of soreness in between my left hand fingers, and my right shoulder muscles tend to harden every now and then. Seeing you squirm and cry your lungs out every 8 hours breaks my heart everytime but there's nothing else to do but get the treatment over with.

The worst part happens every night. I have a difficult time falling asleep because I tend to check on your breathing every now and then. When I do succumb to sleep, you then wake up because you can't breathe and it's pretty much time to take your meds and nebulize again. What's surprising is that you never looked irritated and fussy during those times. In fact, you manage to smile and crawl your way towards the window which you love looking out of. You make all these sounds as if to tell me about the streetlights and the cars that pass by. When you eventually fall asleep, I'm too awake, and when I feel sleepy again, you'll wake up. Sigh.

We had too much of those nights that I began to feel sick too. And did I mention that everytime you get sick Daddy gets sick too? With my trusty carbocistein, I pray hard to God for strength to endure the frequent lack of sleep and that I don't get the virus full-blown because it's going to be very difficult to take care of you. Anyhoo, I'm glad to tell you that you're well and I'm still ok, with a little bit of itchy throat but it's nothing that I can't manage.

I have been thinking about the good things that happened this year that I'm thankful for and so far my list comes up short, until today. I'm grateful that my body, fats and all, can take all this motherhood stress so far.

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