A handful of mommy friends have asked me how I am and within that conversation would say, "Ansarap talaga magka-baby noh?" To which I would reply with a weak smile. Actually, I would really like to say, "Are you out of your mind?! What on earth are you talking about?!"
My darling Georgia, Mommy and Daddy love you to the moon and back; and you have brought us immense joy as the days go by. But this is by far the most difficult ordeal I've ever had to contend with. I quit my job for you and yet the hours could not possibly accommodate all your needs and mine at least consistently. While the babies your age I see on Facebook have probably settled in a nighttime routine, I have yet to get a decent sleep. It's bad that you get colicky in the wee hours and I have to carry and soothe you, it's worse when sleep eludes me for as much as three hours a night WHILE you're sound asleep. Sigh. Insomnia and probably a bit of postpartum depression DOES NOT make for a happy camper.
Lily in the latest episode of How I Met Your Mother confesses to Ted, being so tired from mommy duties: "I want to pack my bags and go away for good." That pretty much encapsulates how I feel nowadays. I decided to become a full-time mom so I can make the most out of your formative years and while I don't regret making that decision, I realized it doesn't make me the perfect parent. I am human, making mistakes here and there, figuring out my way through mommyhood via trial and error in some cases. I have no special powers to go through each day feeling perky and refreshed all the time. I am doing my absolute best, though. Your Daddy have told me several times that is enough, but only until your Tita Pinky told me again did I become completely convinced. I guess it's because she's a fellow mom who has gone through the same challenges and was able to deal with them.
I am not sharing this to make you feel you're a burden. You are not and never will be. You are life-changing, character-forming, a blessing and a lifelong cause for learning for your Daddy and me. I am only sharing what's true and real. And more than anything, it's what your Daddy wants me to learn, and what we wish that you will be - truthful to yourself and what you feel always. As a family, we will take that journey together, for better or for worse.
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hey tere :) do u remember the last time we saw each other (tish's wedding) then u asked lou if we already want a baby. lou was saying yes, while I was shaking my head behind him? i was thinking of this, exactly ..i'm not a mom but i've seen it all in my sisters, friends, etc. THEN I ALSO WATCHED THAT SAME EPISODE OF HIMYM, lou and i both went "awww", then i felt this tinge of fear and worry and lahat lahat na. lol (really love How I Met noh!? esp lily!)
ReplyDeletebut I guess you're right, it's life-changing. again, I'm not a mom, but i've seen it in all moms --maybe it's hard, but at the end of each day, it's georgia who now defines and completes you, and gives you that kind of happiness that we non-moms will never understand ;)
meanwhile, there are couples out there who eagerly wait for ages before conceiving, diba? you are truly blessed! we all carry a cross in one way or another. yours is the sweetest :)
wow leda, that made me feel better :) i guess i just have to look at it differently then, just hoping that my body cooperates more often so i will not forget.
Deleteas for you guys, take your sweet time! peejo and i have only been married 4 months until the discomforts of pregnancy started kicking in and it was never the same. god will bless you with a baby at the right time. tell lou na kung gusto nya magkababy, panindigan nya sa pagdamay nya sa puyatan, diaper change at lahat lahat! bawal ang maarteng tatay magagalit si peejo hahaha!
and as for HIMYM, it's like lily's character has been written for me! peejo and i just laugh during her scenes with marshall and marvin. tipong dejavu minsan eh!